Cooking Therapy

I woke up at 7am today and groaned, knowing I wouldn't be getting back to sleep, and that there were still eleven hours before I would know for sure whether S. will FINALLY be able to make it today or not. So I decided that I needed to expend some of my nervous energy in a productive way. S. sounds sick and snuffly (and who wouldn't be sick after five freaking days of being stuck in various airports!?) so I figured soup was the way to go. I spent a little time looking online and found a recipe for a really great baked potato crock pot soup. So I went to the store, bought the ingredients, and spent the afternoon making it. I also made some oatmeal chocolate cookies from scratch while I was at it.

So, the way I figure it, I'll either have some really great soup for S. to eat if he does get here tonight, or if the flight is canceled or overbooked again, I'll just commit suicide by drowning myself in the baked potato soup. So it will come in handy either way! :P

The Waiting Game

 Day FIVE of waiting for the love of my life... S. is supposedly booked on a flight this evening, but frankly at this point I've completely given up hope of seeing him at all. I figure some new disaster will occur that will prevent him from coming to see me. He had to spend the night in an airport hotel in a strange city last night since he's now stranded in the middle of nowhere and all the flights are overbooked. He was number 18 on the standby list for the flights last night so basically had zero chance whatsoever of getting on a plane. Plus now he's getting sick: he's all snuffly and has a nasty cough. So if he ever gets here, he's just going to be staying in bed while I nurse him until he's well enough to go home.

The stress of waiting and hoping desperately day after day and then having my hopes smashed repeatedly each day has finally gotten to me too, and while I haven't fallen ill, I've spent most of the last two nights sleepless and most of the morning today in tears. I simply don't dare to hope that I might see S. today because if I have my hopes smashed one more time, I'm going to completely lose it. I'm a big mess at the moment. :(  In fact, I think if S. ever does make it, I won't dare wear any makeup because I'm just going to sob in relief if I ever get to see him again.

Arrrrrrgh!!!

S. spent the entire day at the airport again today and STILL wasn't able to get on a plane, due to them all being overbooked. I had a completely miserable day and now I'm too mad about the situation to even sleep. At this point, the earliest he would be able to arrive isn't until very late tomorrow night. So even if he does finally make it we will only have 2 days together until I have to go back to work! :( :( :( This has been the single worst vacation EVER!!!! I'm normally a very non-violent person, but at this point, I'm so pissed I could gladly smash something...preferably over an airline employee's head! ARRRRRRRRRRRRGH!!!!! :( :( :(

Sad Panda :(

 So yeah... I used to think I liked snow. Now I'm thinking it might be time for me to move to South Africa. You know that really wonderful blizzard that's been blanketing the country? Well S. has now gone to the airport two freaking days running to try to come see me and both times his flights have been cancelled :( :( :( The last time he went, they actually got him on the plane, and then came and pulled him off it again because his connecting flight was canceled. At this point, we've lost 3 days together!!! :( This is making me very unhappy because I haven't seen him in four and a half months and I MISS HIM!!!!!!! Argh! And the next time I'll get a chance to see him is Spring.

So he plans to try again tomorrow. Thank god the weather across the country looks better. All I can say is that if anything goes wrong this time, he better grow wings and fly here himself because I'm going to go out of my mind!!! :( I so hope that I will have something GOOD to post soon!!!!!!!

Have a Very Anal Christmas

Christmas Eve Day, and only TWO more days until S. comes!!! I am getting so excited! I simply cannot wait! I have missed him so very much, and now the time is nearly here when I get to snuggle in his wonderful arms and inhale his amazing scent and feel his soft lips on mine once again. What more could a girl want for Christmas?!!! S. will be here for 11 days so there will be plenty of time to have tons of fun!!! :)

I love the picture above because it represents what I want most to give S. for Christmas: ME! :) I want to be available and ready for him at any time for him to do anything he chooses. I yearn to please him and make him happy! And the rear view is appropriate because I have been training for months now to be prepared for my first anal sex.

S. is getting excited too! He keeps talking about all of the positions he plans to put me in. Between the under the bed restraint system, my bed with open wrought iron scroll work, the leather cuffs and ankle restraints, and the brand new spreader bar, he certainly has a wide variety of options to choose from!

He has also ordered me to finger myself every hour on the hour until his plane lands Sunday evening. No toys, and no cumming: Just finger myself until I'm mad horny and then stop. Since he's not arriving until the evening, that means that I'm going to have to finger myself between 8 and 12 times, depending what time I wake up in the morning and whether his flights are delayed. That's a LOT!!! Let's just say, that I am going to be dripping wet and going out of my mind by the time he finally gets here!!! He's also messing with my head, saying he's just going to put his mouth down there and breathe warm air onto my pussy but not touch it, just to make me go insane once he finally does arrive. When I groaned loudly at this idea, he said: "What?! A horny slave, is a good slave, right?" GRRR!

I've had a couple of questions from friends on slaveduties about how the anal training is going. (If you don't know about slaveduties and her AMAZING website, here is the link: slaveduties.) So here is an update: Today was my last day of using an anal plug before S. comes as I get weekends off to rest and heal. So I used the biggest plug today as my last preparation for what S. likes to refer to as "The Main Event" which will occur at some point of his choosing while he is here. I posted a picture above of the big pink plug I used today. it's the largest one I own and the way it's shaped makes my ass just ache. But I figured I'd better be ready, so I used it today. I texted S. to tell him and said: "Aren't I being a good girl?" His response was: "Don't you mean a good SLAVE?" Gah, I'll never get used to being called that! >_< And I have a sinking feeling I'll be hearing it a lot over Christmas break...

S. has been very pleased with my progress these past couple of weeks: The plugs now all go right in with no problem and although I still can't say that I enjoy the sensation, I can deal with it a lot more easily than before. I feel good about the fact that I clearly have succeeded in stretching my rear regions for S. and while I'm still scared about the whole thing, the idea of being able to please him with the gift of that hole makes me very happy. It's something he has wanted for a very long time and it will be a first for both of us! I'm sure when the time comes, I'll be shaking and my teeth will be chattering, but I think I'm about as prepared as possible at this point.

Other than that, I'm both very very excited and very very nervous about everything I have to look forward to this holiday! :) I know that I'll be sporting a brand new set of welts before long once S. has his way with my ass. And I look forward to that shivery feeling of pain and pleasure that comes with feeling him run his fingers gently over the raised welts he's put there. He's also going to be bringing a leash and I have ordered a collar that I have never put on... I've never worn one and the whole idea makes me pretty much wanna hide under the bed. So that's going to be umm... interesting. He's also talked about putting me in a rope harness and making me go out and do things with it on; shackling me to the spreader bar when we go to bed, so he can have his way with me all night long any time he pleases; and whipping and clamping my VERY sensitive nipples. As for the rest, well he has a wicked imagination, so I'm sure there will be plenty of surprises in store for me. So yeah... it's going to be an interesting Christmas all around!

30 Minute Punishment

When I woke up this morning, the first thing I thought of was the 30 minute punishment I have to undergo some time today: As I posted in my blog yesterday, I forgot to do my 30 minutes of anal training last Thursday, and S. informed me that my punishment would be as follows:

Instead of having Sunday as a day off from the training the way I normally do, I had to do a makeup 30 minutes with the large butt plug that day, but he also specified that I was required add both the Ben-Wa balls AND the pacifier gag for the full time as well. (If you don't know what Ben-Wa balls or Smartballs are, you can see a picture of them in my previous entry: Ben-Wa Balls.) Groan... So when I woke up this morning, that's all I could think of: The dreaded punishment and when I would do it? I decided, for once, not to put it off and have it hanging over my head all day long, and just get it over with. I also didn't want to be doing it during any strenuous activity because the balls vibrating inside me would just make me crazy and I knew full well the pacifier gag was going to make me drool everywhere.

I decided the best time to get it over with would be this morning while I update my blog. And so now I sit here, just the way S. likes me to be, with all 3 holes completely filled. It's extremely distracting and I have a feeling this blog isn't coming out so well because I'm having a difficult time thinking straight! I keep wiggling to try to adjust the position and pressure on the butt plug and that causes the balls to vibrate, making me insanely horny. My mouth is filled with the pacifier gag and I'm trying desperately to contain the saliva in my mouth but I know it's only a matter of time until it runs down my chin :( I hate that! But there simply isn't anything I can do about it because the pacifier gag makes it impossible to swallow at all. Honestly I think that the drooling is the worst part! I find it absolutely humiliating and the yuckiness factor of having my own saliva drip down my chin and onto my breasts messes with my head.

So, after deciding to get the punishment over with this morning, the first thing I had to think about after getting the butt plug, the Ben-Wa balls, and the gag out, was what order to put them in. I lay for quite a while on my side on the bed, staring at the three objects, trying to figure out the best way to do this. I finally decided to do them in this order: 1: Plug, 2. Balls, 3. Gag. That way I wouldn't drool on anything while struggling with the other two. And I figured inserting the plug would be that much harder if I had anything already filling my vagina. I'm definitely glad I did it that way because it was much harder to get the balls inside me because I'm already tight down there and the pressure from the butt plug made it much tighter. So I doubt I would have been able to get the plug in at all if the balls had already been inserted.

Normally, after inserting the plug, I lie there for several minutes and try not to move at all because the feeling is so intense. I just breathe and try to relax until the feeling passes or abates somewhat. But today I knew I couldn't start the 30 minute timer until all THREE were inserted so I had to hurry and insert the Ben-Wa balls too and then sit up quickly to get the gag in place.So my body was reeling from having things inserted in all my holes in rapid succession without the time to adjust to any of the sensations.

And now, here I sit, plug in place, spreading me wide back there and making me feel vulnerable, the balls inside me vibrating with every tiny movement and making me insanely horny, and drooling a yucky river of saliva down my chin, feeling it drip from there onto my breasts which are now dotted with beads of saliva. I'm trying very very hard not to move much but it's hard not to continually try to adjust my position because of the plug, which just makes the balls vibrate and more drool leak from my filled mouth. Gah! Oh, and as I'm finding out, any period longer than ten minutes with this gag makes my jaw ache...

S. was certainly right: I won't be forgetting my training again any time soon after these very very long 30 minutes...Is it over yet???

Gags, Drool & Punishment

Tomorrow, it will be exactly one week until S. and I are together again! :) I cannot wait!!! I'm getting really excited, but also nervous! I so want everything to be absolutely perfect when we are together!!!

I'm sorry I haven't updated my blog lately. You all know how it is this time of year with buying presents, writing and sending Christmas cards, cooking for and attending holiday parties, work overload, etc, etc. I've been falling into bed exhausted every night. Anyway, here are a few updates from the last couple of weeks:

The new gag arrived: It looks exactly like the image below, color included. I love pink! Hehe :)

I was pretty excited when the package arrived! I had pictured it all cute and fitting nice and comfy in my mouth. But, as it turns out, it's much larger than I had bargained for and the bulb part sticks pretty far back in my mouth. So it forces the back of my mouth wide open and makes it essentially impossible for me to swallow. So, two minutes, after I tried it on, I literally had a river of drool running down my chin! :(  This simultaneously made me very unhappy and made S. very happy. Gah... I hate to drool but he seems to think it's going to be an excellent way for him to lubricate his cock while humiliating me... oh joy..

As for the anal training, it's ongoing: At this point, S. has decided that I'm done with the endurance part of the training, which entailed using the anal beads for longer and longer periods of time. Now I'm working on the stretching and have to wear one of my largest plugs for 30 minutes a day. We're being careful with it so as not to cause any injury or damage and I get weekends off to rest and heal. It's definitely getting easier to put it in, and after having the beads in for extended periods of time, 30 minutes doesn't seem so bad, but honestly it still feels icky!!! All I can think of most of the time is how much I want it OUT. This doesn't seem to phase S. in the slightest: No matter how much I moan and groan whimper and beg, he just calmly says "Nope!" And tells me how much time I have left. Grrr...

I've been pretty good about following the training regimen, and hadn't missed a day or skimped on time until this past Thursday. It was a crazy week for me at work and a busy night at home, and frankly I just forgot all about it. I didn't remember until it was bedtime and it was after midnight by that time so it was too late. S. had been reminding me most nights to do the training, but he hadn't said anything about it that day and it just didn't cross my mind until it was too late. By the time I finally remembered, it was the wee hours of Friday morning, so I just texted S. to let him know and then fell asleep, exhausted.

When we discussed it the next day, I complained a bit that he hadn't reminded me to do it that night. But he told me I knew what the rules were and he had told me he wanted the plug in each night for 30 minutes for training and it was up to me to remember and follow his orders. I still felt a bit whiny, but I couldn't argue that point.

Today, he informed me that my punishment, is that tomorrow (Sunday which would normally be a day off from the plug for me) I have to wear the plug AND the Ben-Wa balls, AND the pacifier gag all at the same time for 30 minutes... Groan. He loves the idea of filling all of my holes simultaneously. (It's a very weird feeling to be filled up everywhere all at once). And he knows full well that the plug and balls will press against each other as they fill me up, each making the other sensation that much worse. Add to that, 30 minutes of uncontrollable drooling and you've got a half hour of misery incoming!!! When I whined about it, he just said: "Well it'll teach you not to forget next time, won't it!"

... I hate it when he's right!  >_>

Only 20 More Days! :)

Just a quick post tonight to say that I am so excited! There are only 20 more days left until S. comes to visit me again! I CAN'T WAIT!!! :) He is staying for two full weeks! Yayayayayayay! We are going to have SO much fun together! I love him so very much!

And I think he has quite a lot of ideas in store for me...He keeps warning me that we are going straight to the bedroom the instant we get home the very first night. And he's mentioned all sorts of positions he plans to tie me in...It's going to be a very interesting Christmas!!! lol

 

It sounds like I'll have a LOT to blog about this holiday season! ;)

Nipple clamps

So, I don't know about you ladies out there, but my nipples are very, very, very, very, very sensitive...

I've never engaged in any kind of breast or nipple torture, just the usual sucking, licking and very occasional gentle biting. In fact, my nipples are sensitive enough that just extended sucking on them makes them quite sore.

So, I'm sure you can imagine the look on my face a month or so ago when S. shared with me that he had been looking at nipple clamps online and found several of the images quite arousing. He said he would enjoy attaching them and then pulling on the chain that connects them.  :O

Ohhhhhhh boy... My instant reaction to the mere topic of nipple clamps is to cross my arms and hold my hands protectively over my breasts. It makes me shudder just to THINK about. But once again, S. is the Master so my poor nipples are at his mercy if he so chooses.

So we looked online at all of the different options, read reviews, discussed, debated. I clicked on links, in between holding onto my poor breasts protectively. It's so hard when ordering a type of toy you've never used before and have no way to try ahead of time. We decided that we wanted adjustable clamps so they could be made looser and be tightened over time. We determined that, while the idea of the Japanese clover clamps that tighten when you pull on the chain is nice, they sounded pretty brutal for a starter set. We learned that the clamps with the soft rubber tips will slip right off if there is any moisture at all around the nipple prior to them being applied. So, after all of our research, we settled on these:

The clamps were actually ordered at the same time as a couple of other toys and when the box arrived I dreaded opening it. But to my immense relief, when I finally did, I found that the clamps we selected had been out of stock and they just shipped and charged me for the other items. PHEW! I was so relieved I did a happy dance!!! S., on the other hand, was distinctly less happy lol.

But then a week later, a nice flat padded manilla envelope arrived in the mail and I ripped it right open, expecting it to be a big pile of pictures I had ordered, but to my sheer horror, the nipple clamps fell out into my lap! :( Damn that company for being so efficient with back ordering items!!!!!

So the first trial of these refined instruments of torture went something like this: Cue S. with a big big grin on his face. Cue me with clamps in hand, huge eyes and trying to cover both of my breasts with my remaining hand. Drumroll please... I gingerly attach ONE clamp and...  

OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!

Omfg what sick sadistic medieval professional inquisition torturer designed these things?!!!

Let's just say they hurt WAY more than I had even feared. :( So umm yeah, after much adjusting, I managed to get them to a width where I wasn't quite screaming in agony the second they were on, and then I removed them from my agonized breasts and put them away in the toy box. At the bottom. Under ALL the other toys. I figured maybe if I didn't mention them ever again S. would hopefully forget they existed.

Sadly for me, S. managed not only to remember the clamps, but decided that since they hurt so nicely, they would make an excellent punishment tool. So about a week later, during the anal training, I got altogether too feisty with my complaints and he told me to go put on the clamps....
My immediate cries of nooooooooooooooooooo and pleas for forgiveness were too late and I had to go dig the ghastly things out of the box as ordered.

Let's just say that a mere 15 minutes with the clamps produced a very very subdued and chastened submissive with throbbing nipples. And S. very much enjoyed the marks the evil clamps left for quite a while afterwards.

Now he's talking about using the crop on my breasts in addition to the clamps... I have a feeling my poor nipples are never going to be the same again!