Contradictions...
I have always had what appear to be completely conflicting desires. I want to eat salty potato chips and sweet milk chocolate at the same time. I want to wear pink and be a girly-girl, yet be tough enough to carry an air conditioner and change my own flat tire. I want a guy who will be sweet and gentle and sensitive by day, but take control and tie me up and order me around with no mercy by night.
In my quest for opposites, I had pretty much come to the conclusion that it simply wasn't possible to find a man who would listen to me for hours, treat me like a lady, and yet order me to my knees and whip my ass in the bedroom. How could one man embody such contradictory things?
I have read the blogs of several people who live in 24/7 Master/slave relationships. While I find them utterly fascinating, I knew that wasn't the life I wanted. I love my job and want to continue to work. I love to go out and have fun with friends. I love being made to feel special when a man is sweet and romantic and caring. I just also happen to want some very kinky sex, and perhaps a day here or there or maybe a whole weekend occasionally of being on my knees, serving my partner's every need.
The majority of my past partners were either incredibly sweet and didn't have a kinky bone in their body, or else were freaks who wanted to do things that were firmly in the territory of hard limits for me, due to being either incredibly stupid and dangerous or else illegal. I am a firm believer in safe, sane and consensual, and I had zero intention of ever letting any guy push me into doing anything I established as a hard limit.
When I was out with the sweet romantic type, I yearned for them to grab me by the hair and pull me in to them, instead of asking if they could kiss me. When I was with the crazy type, I yearned for someone that I could feel completely safe with and trust. I wanted someone who would push my limits, yes. But not someone that wouldn't respect my ironclad decision to remain within the boundaries of legality and sanity at all times.
How could one man possibly be both things at once? I had pretty much given up hope when I met S.
As I posted previously, S. was a sweet and gentle soul on the surface. He was kind and caring and ever attentive to my needs. He would listen to me for hours and always remembered even the tiniest details of the things I told him, even months later! He was always there to help me any time I needed. And he was sweet. Always, always sweet.
So I had figured that he would faint at the first mention of bondage rope. So for a long time, I kept my secret fantasies to myself. And when I finally did broach the subject, I was cautious, expecting immediate rejection. But, to my utter and complete astonishment, when I started slowly to discuss my more unusual desires with him, he became incredibly excited and immediately started fantasizing and planning things to do to me!!! He wanted to tie me to the footboard of my bed. He wanted to explore anal with me (something I had NEVER done). He wanted to be the one to help me reach my lifelong dream of experiencing a whip.
Could it be true? Could I have finally found the one man who could be EVERYTHING I wanted and needed? Would he give me backrubs when I got home from a long day at work? Would he cook for me when I was sick or tired? Would he carry my shopping bags? Would he hold doors for me? Would he hold my hand and gently stroke my hair?
Would he also grab my hair and pull my head back so I was forced to look at him? Would he order me down on my knees? Would he tie me to the bed and have his way with me? Would he paddle me? Whip me? Tease me until I begged? Make my head spin?
It seemed as though the answer to all of these questions was YES! I couldn't believe it! I was in shock. It seemed like I had waited forever to find this man. Quite literally the man of my dreams!!!
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